Setting Boundaries

This is becoming a habit, I typically blog once a month, but this is almost becoming a daily thing (which is a great thing). Along with blogging I also write my personal thoughts into my journal, but for now I will share my basic thoughts on boundaries.

As many of you may know or not know I struggled growing up. My parents were unattached and unemotional to our needs as kids growing up. I grew up in a house of negativity, neglect and the list goes on. I am not sitting here to write a sad story to you, I want to show you by setting boundaries you can disassociate yourself from the story and not feel guilty.

If I don't like my story, I will change my story, I refuse to sit here and be forced to live in victim mode, I channel that energy into something that really matters. I give my full energy into my immediate family, friends and building my business/career, that is my priority and that is what I focus on.

What happens though when your family is suppose to be a source of support and in turn they are the ones that create your pain/problem/story. 

A few tools that I use on a daily basis to keep my self positive and not get reeled in, or feel guilty by the choices they make.

• Self-Awareness
• Setting boundaries
• Strengthen my internal boundaries
• Saying No
• I will advise individuals, if you are not going to be a positive influence in my life, I choose to step away 

I read this paragraph and it really resonated with me  

Those of us raised in dysfunctional families have probably had little experience with healthy boundaries. Therefore, learning how to establish them must be an important goal in our personal growth. In order to achieve this, however, we must overcome low self-esteem and passivity; learn to identify and respect our rights and needs; and become skilled at assertively taking care of ourselves in relationships. This process allows our true selves to emerge, and healthy boundaries become the fences that keep us safe - something we may never have experienced in childhood. http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm

Thanks again for taking the time out to read  

"Setting Boundaries"

Have you said NO lately? 

Take Care,

Shelley

Empowering Your Teen

I am a mother of 3, an 18 year old son, a 16 year old daughter, and a 4 year old daughter. As the kids grow up I can't help but think where the time went. As the older ones go through their teens,  I watch them navigate through challenges, and responsibilities and think to myself, it is so different now. I see kids struggle on a daily basis with their feelings and emotions, and instead of channeling their feelings in a productive way, they turn to self infliction i.e. cutting, losing weight, drinking, drugs.
 
Growing up when I did there was no Social Media, sure there was a social expectation on how we were suppose to look but I never cared, I didn't let it control my life instead I threw myself into sports. I did not let society tell me how to live my life or how to look. The purpose for my blog is to provide tools to parents with teenagers. As a parent, Certified Coach, and a mentor, I strive on giving my children a better life.
 
My family is like every other family who has teens, there are constant struggles, and challenges that we work on as a family. Because we have open communication lines it keeps my kids open and honest, regardless of the topic we will sit down and discuss. I think it works for us is because I don't pass judgement, I may not agree with topic, but allowing them to feel heard and validated will allow the flow of the conversation.
 
A few tools to help you communicate and empower your teens;

• Let your kids get dirty, children need to explore

• Give them time to try to do a task themselves rather than "rescue them" by giving advice or doing it for them.

• Encourage them to work out their own solutions.

• Encourage your kids to state their opinions and thoughts, and listen without judgement

• If your teen has trouble speaking out in class, practice with them at home and help them plan strategies for the classroom.  

• Encourage them to participate in sports.

• Watch television together and discuss the portrayal of women. (With your Daughters)

• Find ways to help child develop skills for school, tutoring, time, etc.

• See that they learn some basic mechanical, building, and repairing skills, and becomes familiar with tools.

• Emphasize the importance of developing talents and interests.

• Introduce them to strong role models.

• Support your teens in pursuing their interests and in taking risks.

• Give compliments on specific accomplishments.

• Praise them, believe in them.

Happy Parenting...


Have a great day!

Much Love,
Shelley

Mobile Mentor

Mobile Mentor ~ It's Coaching.  On The Go!

I am so excited to announce the launch of my new service, Mobile Mentor ~ "Coaching On The Go". The Merriam-Webster WWWebster Dictionary defines a mentor as "a trusted counselor or guide." A mentor is someone more skilled or experienced who offers advice, support, and guidance to facilitate the learning and development of a more junior or less experienced person.

In today's society we have tight schedules, eating on the run and working more than playing. There never seems to be enough time in the day, and balancing work, and life can easily get ahead of us. With Mobile Mentor Services, it is like having a personal assistant servicing your needs. Whether you require professional coaching, you require support, insight or are in need of resources, I will assist you accordingly.

I take pride working with individuals as a leader in my community. With guidance and insight we will work together in partnership where the emphasis will be on personal growth and achievement. I facilitate through the learning process, once the goals are set, the client is held accountable.
 

I've had many obstacles in my life, and not having support growing up, I knew my decisions, and choices would shape my destiny. I knew there was a better life. My "calling" has always been to make a difference in the lives I meet. For me it is helping individuals live their best life. Whether I am a source of support, empowerment, resources, I will show you aside from any adversity, there is light. How bright your light shines is up to you!
 

If you are interested in Mobile Mentor Services,  I can come to you (local rates apply), or we can connect via telephone, electronically or via the internet:

Skype ~  shellharris
Twitter ~ @mobile_mentor  
Pinterest ~ shellharris  
Email ~ shelley@personalbestlifecoaching.net

Warmest Regards,
Shelley 

Nominating My Sister By Choice For Mom of the Year

I've met alot of great Mom's in my life, but the one who sticks out to me is the Mom I aspire to be, it is my best friend, my sister by choice Rose Martins St.Onge. I nominate her for Mother of the Year Award, and here is why.

http://www.momoftheyear.ca/mom/?mom_id=2788

In addition to the 900 characters I was able to write for her nomination, I also wanted to include that she has adopted me and my family as one of her own. When it comes to holiday's, or important moments in life, she has always included my husband, myself, and my children. She has helped me make new traditions, and be happy for the holidays again.

Rose supported me when I chose to become a Certified Professional Coach, her constant love, support, and encouragement helped me. She never gave up on me, even when I wanted to give up on myself. With the challenges I've endured in life most people would run, not her.

Goodluck to All the Mom's nominated, thank you for making a difference in the lives that love you!

Love You
Shelley xoxo

A Mother's Love...

Monday May 7th, 2012, I was off for the day, I took the day off to prepare for my surgery the next morning. I was running around, doing laundry, cleaning the house, I wanted everything in it's place so there was nothing to worry about while I was off. Although my surgery was planned I will still very nervous and anxious, so I tried to keep myself busy all day so I wouldn't think about it.

I decided to make meatballs for dinner, I called my husband and asked him to bring home sub buns, with some cheese, and when he arrived home, the meatballs were smelling so yummy, and everyone was excited to try my yummy meatball subs.  I dished it all up, the subs were awesome, not going to lie, can't wait to make them again. Everyone ate their sub, and shortly after Ryan said Mom, you ready to drive me to work, I said yes hun lets go, so off we went. I said as Ryan got out of the van, where are your glasses, you need your glasses, and he said he didn't feel like wearing them. I yelled out and said that wasn't a good idea, and to put them on. So off he goes in, and I drive away.

Around 10:50 pm I got a message from Luis (Ryan's father) that Ryan fell and he was at the hospital. For the next few minutes I was going back and forth with Luis regarding Ryan's health. Something in my gut told me, this was more then just a sprained ankle etc...I asked Luis are you scared, and he said he is really messed up. I grabbed my purse, ran up told Kevin who was sleeping about what transpired, Kevin was half asleep, I didn't even wait for a reaction, I just grabbed my stuff and left.

I don't think Mike and Patricia Karwowski (brother & sister) knew quite the magnitude of what they did. The decision to take my son to the hospital could have been life or death literally. They decided to take my son to the hospital and for this we will forever be grateful. If you are in No Frills on Vodden and Hwy 10 in Brampton, and you see these kids, let them know just how remarkable they truly are!

What happened was, the weather was awful, it was pouring and raining, and my son was running for Mike's car, his hands were full and he tripped, we believe he tripped up on his shoe and lost his balance. He fell back on his head, and his head ended up taking the brunt of the fall. I am not sure if Mike picked him up, or Ryan got up either way, Mike realized that something was drastically wrong, he was able to locate Luis' number in Ryan's phone, and contacted him right away. By the time the kids got to the hospital, Luis was not far behind them. I then arrived shortly after that.

When I arrived at the hospital, Ryan was delirious,  incoherent, bleeding from his head, his mouth, and nose. He was vomiting blood, and I knew right then and there, there was some kind of head injury. He lost his memory, didn't know where he was, what happened, why we were all there etc..Within 1 hour they had us back in the emergency, once we arrived back into emergency Ryan's symptoms worsened. As a mother I felt helpless, I wanted to take away all his pain, why him and not me. There was nothing I could do, they would not give him anything. Once Ryan symptoms started worsening, they took him in shortly thereafter for a head scan.

The doctor came back and said it looked like everything was okay, except there was alot of air around his brain. He said he was going to get the Radiologist to look at the scan. I asked how did the air get to his brain, he said there has to be some kind of fracture, but because of all the air, we are having a difficult time locating the fracture. So as the night went on, the pain my son was in was heartbreaking. They finally gave him some morophine, so he could sleep and get rest. They kept my son on a cot right at the nurses desk watching him all night.

Tues May 8th was the day of my surgery. I was caught between a rock and a hard place, I needed this surgery, I started thinking do I call it off, do I go through with it, I just didn't know what to do. I prayed to God and asked him what I should do, my message was go take care of yourself, so you can be strong for your son. So I went through with the surgery. I stayed until 6 am, went home showered, grabbed my bag, and went back to the hospital. I went and saw my son, and then headed for my surgery.

When I went to visit him prior to my surgery, Luis advised me Ryan had the 3D Head scan in the morning, and it was discovered he has a linear fracture on his skull on the back of his head, with a severe concussion, and his brain was bruised. Luckily they opted out on the staples, or stitches, they felt his head was okay to heal on it's own. Thanks God!

I headed up for my surgery, all went well with my surgery, but all I wanted to do was be with my boy. It broke my heart that the time he needed me most I wasn't available. I felt awful, I felt helpless. But I have to say my ex-husband hardly left his side. I am so blessed to have such a great co-parent in Luis.

Later that day after my surgery, they said I could go see my son, Kev, Brianna, and Kayla wheeled me down. When I saw him, he looked better, I just wanted to be with him. I didn't want to leave him again. But my doctor and nurses said I only had 10 mins. When Kevin wheeled me away, I was emotional, my son needed me, and I needed him. The following day, he didn't want to leave his bed, so I didn't think I was going to get to see him at all on Wednesday May 9th.

In the evening our friends (family) came up to see both Ryan and myself, and we were getting ready to head down to see Ryan, when he surprised me and came up to my room. I was emotional, I was crying, I was so happy to see him. Seeing him up and around meant everything to me. We hugged so tight, and I never wanted to let him go. He looked good, I was happy.

Ryan coming up to see me in the hospital

All he said is I want to get out of here, and I said in due time buddy in due time. On Thursday afternoon May 10th, he came up and saw me before he got released and said here I think you will be needing these, and he gave me his balloons to cheer me up. I was cheered up, to see my son walk out of that hospital was the best feeling of all. As I walked him and his Dad to the elevator, I turned to my ex-husband, and said, you are the greatest Dad a child could ask for. Thank you for being there and taking on double duty for our son. I looked at Ryan as he got on the elevator  and he looked at me, we both realized just how lucky he was...

The affects for Ryan will be dizziness, and headaches for a period of time, but the long term prognosis is good. He will be following up with a Neurologist, and a Plastic Surgeon to ensure his skull is healing properly.

I write this because there has been so much love and kind words surrounding this past week, I just wanted to share from my heart because there has been so much love from everyone.

Hug your children, and tell them you love them, and don't take one day for granted, cuz you just never know...

Thanks Again everyone for all of your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes, all your words have been received with such love.

Love to you all xoxoxo
Shelley

Living Life on Purpose

Living Life on Purpose....

I know listening to my heart is as authentic as it's going to get and I know my heart will not steer me wrong.  But what if my heart and reality are so far apart, how can I guide them so I'm able to live my life on purpose?

I am currently in a situation where I will be home for the next few months, and many thoughts are running through my head. Four years ago, I began my journey and became a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach.  I knew from as young as I can remember that I always wanted to empower people and assist them with living their best life. Although I have been doing this even as young as a child, I wanted to do this for a living, it is my passion and it is my calling.

But what happens when you are stuck in the corporate world, and you know your not suppose to be there. I have been in the corporate world my entire career (25 years), and although I've had some wonderful experiences and met some wonderful people, it is not where my heart is. Like everyone else I have bills to pay, a mortgage, daycare etc etc...so what can I do to live my life on purpose?

So I started thinking, I have a few months to make my dreams a reality, my first thought is, this is risky, you are putting alot on the line. Then I started thinking well safe people stay in status quo, it is the people who take risks who become successful and get what they want, through risk, you find success. What I want is to be a source of support for women and teens, I want to provide resources, and most of all I want to empower them to live their best life. I wake up each day and think how can I make even one person's day that much better.

My goal is to be successfully self employed, & living the dream with passion!

Here is my homework

• Is list what I am good at
• What I am gifted with
• Make note of who inspires me and why, 
• Dig deep from my childhood to see what made me happy
• Ask myself "What If"
• Look at what interests me

These are just a few items that came to mind, just wanted to touch base with everyone, and ask you, are you living your life on purpose? If not, are you prepared to ask yourself why?

Take the point forms above and look at them deeply within your life, see what comes up for you...

Would love to hear...

Shelley xox

Cherish your dreams. Follow your passions. They are the guiding hands of your heart ~ Flavia