So what's with the title of my blog....
Since I was 9 years old I've basically worked. I started off having a paper route, then babysitting, and then at 13 I worked in a restaurant taking orders over the phone. When I was young my parents never bought us the latest things, or the nicest clothes, they did what they could, and at the time I didn't know any different. But once I realized I didn't have the "In" things, I would often find myself going to the "Lost and Found" at school and taking things from there just so I could have a couple of "cool" items. Once I realized that was wrong, I wanted to make money so I could buy things the proper way.
Since I was 9 years old I've basically worked. I started off having a paper route, then babysitting, and then at 13 I worked in a restaurant taking orders over the phone. When I was young my parents never bought us the latest things, or the nicest clothes, they did what they could, and at the time I didn't know any different. But once I realized I didn't have the "In" things, I would often find myself going to the "Lost and Found" at school and taking things from there just so I could have a couple of "cool" items. Once I realized that was wrong, I wanted to make money so I could buy things the proper way.
Over the years I have worked hard, and did my best raising my family. As I've indicated in previous blog's, the biggest hurdle was breaking the cycle which I did, and I am so proud of that accomplishment. Having said that though, there has been many hurdles and challenges I've faced. I know through it all, I love my kids unconditionally, but how about the rest of my family, my brothers, parents, nieces, nephews, ex-husband, friends and husband and the list goes on.
Since being home this past month, I've been feeling a shift, it is a shift of love, and fullness. What does this mean? Since the beginning of time I have been angry, I may not show it, or express it, but I had been angry with the life that was given to me. I went through the forgiveness period last year, and it felt like I forgave the people who hurt me, but it sill resided in me. So maybe I didn't truly forgive. I felt as though I did but how I feel today, and how I felt last year are way different. I know I have truly forgiven the people now.
I've had several "Aha" moments (An Oprah line for those who are not aware) this past month and I would love to share just a couple. When you grow up in an unemotional, and unattached home, you tend to feel that way with the people around you, not always but sometimes. With my kids it was never an issue, however in other relationships it was.
A couple of weeks ago I stayed at my brothers, and I had a huge "Aha", and he doesn't even know it, and I haven't shared. I am going to share with him by sending him the link on this post. It was a fantastic weekend, I went to London, Ontario by myself and my brother and I went to our highschool reunion. I also spent quality time with my niece and nephew (My sister-in-law was working), It was so great to just spend time with them and have no other influences.
I came home, and my husband said to me, how was it, I said it was fantastic, then I found myself breaking down. He said what's wrong, and I don't quite think he knew the magnitude of his question. All my life, I "loved" someone because I am suppose to or because the rulebooks said you have to, ie. parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles etc....Now don't get me wrong I do love them all, and wish them all a great life but things just felt different now.
I came home with a Happy Heart, and my heart full of love. I have one of the greatest brothers anyone could ever ask for, I have not said it enough, nor I have appreciated him enough, or loved him enough. How much are you suppose to love, I didn't know that before, but I know it now. I can honestly say I know what it feels like to honestly love someone whole hardheartedly. I am learning to love, it's is okay to love and be attached, if this is what love is, it feels great to be able to say I love you to my family and really mean it. I think I always did, but just to afraid to show it, or express it.
A couple of weeks ago I stayed at my brothers, and I had a huge "Aha", and he doesn't even know it, and I haven't shared. I am going to share with him by sending him the link on this post. It was a fantastic weekend, I went to London, Ontario by myself and my brother and I went to our highschool reunion. I also spent quality time with my niece and nephew (My sister-in-law was working), It was so great to just spend time with them and have no other influences.
I came home, and my husband said to me, how was it, I said it was fantastic, then I found myself breaking down. He said what's wrong, and I don't quite think he knew the magnitude of his question. All my life, I "loved" someone because I am suppose to or because the rulebooks said you have to, ie. parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles etc....Now don't get me wrong I do love them all, and wish them all a great life but things just felt different now.
I came home with a Happy Heart, and my heart full of love. I have one of the greatest brothers anyone could ever ask for, I have not said it enough, nor I have appreciated him enough, or loved him enough. How much are you suppose to love, I didn't know that before, but I know it now. I can honestly say I know what it feels like to honestly love someone whole hardheartedly. I am learning to love, it's is okay to love and be attached, if this is what love is, it feels great to be able to say I love you to my family and really mean it. I think I always did, but just to afraid to show it, or express it.
My husband said to me, if you were never loved, how were you suppose to know. I realized that love heals, and having a full heart feels right, it is who I am. My husband said no one is going to look down upon you and say shame on you for loving. He is right, he is so right.
I do want to mention, I speak of my parents, I know they loved me their own way, and did the best they could but when I speak, I speak about how I felt. (Hope that makes sense)
My second "Aha" Moment, I attended the Toronto's Women Expo with my cousin Nicky. The main reason I wanted to go was to Network, spend time with Nicky, and see my great friend Janet Auty-Carlisle (My Mentor/Teacher). When I was there I realized to dream big, I was inspired to do better, and work hard to accomplish my dream.
My 3rd "Aha", recently I was welcomed into the OWN Ambassador's group (OWN Network), this is a group of strong individuals, who live life with passion, and on purpose. Also, OWN Ambassadors are the Ultimate Viewers of people who are growing OWN through participation and viewership. Being a part of this group is aligned with my vision of where I want to be, and the people I want to be surrounded by.
My closing words are, I am in a great place, I am full of love, and gratitude. Through connections, determination, and passion I will achieve my goals, that is my promise to me, and to my family.
I do want to mention, I speak of my parents, I know they loved me their own way, and did the best they could but when I speak, I speak about how I felt. (Hope that makes sense)
My second "Aha" Moment, I attended the Toronto's Women Expo with my cousin Nicky. The main reason I wanted to go was to Network, spend time with Nicky, and see my great friend Janet Auty-Carlisle (My Mentor/Teacher). When I was there I realized to dream big, I was inspired to do better, and work hard to accomplish my dream.
My 3rd "Aha", recently I was welcomed into the OWN Ambassador's group (OWN Network), this is a group of strong individuals, who live life with passion, and on purpose. Also, OWN Ambassadors are the Ultimate Viewers of people who are growing OWN through participation and viewership. Being a part of this group is aligned with my vision of where I want to be, and the people I want to be surrounded by.
My closing words are, I am in a great place, I am full of love, and gratitude. Through connections, determination, and passion I will achieve my goals, that is my promise to me, and to my family.
Watch while I make it happen! :D
Take Care and Be Well!
Take Care and Be Well!
Shelley xoxo
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| My Mom, myself, Jeff, and Andy |
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| My Vision Board |
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| My Brother Jeff and I |
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| My House in London |
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| I've come along way baby. Lest not forget where we came from, and the valuable lessons to be learned. |
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